


A Feeling Where Souls Can't Place

by DeIsTiEl



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon), Supernatural
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-15
Updated: 2017-09-22
Packaged: 2018-10-19 10:00:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10637553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeIsTiEl/pseuds/DeIsTiEl
Summary: Beach City had turned colder in the eyes of Steven. He himself has started to hate his everyday rituals. This sudden depressed state of his changes him, from the way he acts, to the way that he thinks. Steven isn't even Steven anymore.(First Fan-Fic/Work yay!)Rated because of later chapters





	1. Thoughts

         Nobody was home that night. The stars seems to sway in the sky, mesmerizing the young boy, making him want to rage towards the door and _fly;_  explore the world for himself. Though it probably wasn't the best idea. He could just use the warp pad and travel to any magical place he desired. He could go into his moms room and imagine what the world was like or get Lapis to take him one place or another. But all of these choices seemed artificial. He wanted to see the world for himself without the constant bugging and worries about his safety and such.  
       

         These thoughts haunted him for hours. He went from pacing, to staring at the wall, to pacing again. No matter how many times he would tell himself that he should stay where he was, stay where he is safe, he wanted to go beyond the walls of the temple. He wanted to reach out and caress the gleaming sun. He wanted his freedom. And the more that he told himself that he wanted it, the more that he did; from packing his clothes to writing a letter, he was all set to go. He just needed to open the door.  
         

         The door. He's pretty sure that it is closer than it appears to be. He takes a step forward.

 _'_ _What if Garnet uses her future vision to find me?'_

He takes another step.

_'What will they do to me if they find me?'_

Another step.

_'What if they don't find me?'_

One more step.

_'How will they feel when they realize I'm not coming back?'_

His hand is on the door, callused fingers barely touching the wooden surface; that last thought ringing in the back of his mind, bouncing off of every molecule and spark, shaking his entire being, ripping through his heart.

         "Never coming back. No- the gems. The world. They all need you." Steven lets the strap of his back pack slide fall off of his now rounded shoulder and onto the wooden floor. The hard  _'thump'_ doing nothing but to confirm the already tense atmosphere. He wanted to leave- yes but to go away forever? He remembers contemplating on that thought for a bit before hearing the warp pad go off.

"Steven, we need to talk."


	2. Your Choices Matter

         "What you do will effect us all Steven," Garnet's voice was stern and slightly swayed, her hand lightly gripping at the cushions of their freshly stained couch. Steven was quiet as he glared at his backpack which he drug with him. Sweat beaded on his creased forehead. He had never felt so guilty before.

         "I didn't do anything." Steven was choking back tears, which he didn't understand why they were trying to come out. He was fine and nothing happened.

         "You were leaving-"

         "I wasn't going to do a damn thing. I'm fine and go away!" That one slipped, heated tears streamed down his soft face, dripping onto the world and the sofa too. Garnet seemed rather surprised with Steven's answer, considering that this wasn't like Steven at all. She watched as Steven stomped up the wooden stairs and plopped onto his bed, the note from earlier being crushed underneath Steven in the process. She could hear the small pained cries of the little gem.

          _'This isn't like Steven at all...'_ Garnet walked back to the pad, her face neutral but her mind running circles around itself,  _'I need to discuss this with the gems,'_ she concludes.

* * *

 

         Steven wakes up on his tear soaked bed. He hasn't had a good cry in a while; his personality usually keeping him bubbly and stable, blocking out most if not all of the negativity. It was obvious that the gems weren't here yet. If they had been, Steven would be surrounded by the wafting scent of pancakes, bacon, and after his freakout, anything else he might of wanted.

         Steven gets out of bed to see the sun rising. If he went outside now, he could rest his aching feet into the warm ocean waters and smell the settling salts. Maybe even go into the city and getting a donut or two. Yep, that is exactly what he is going to do.

         He's walking through the shredded rocks, watching his feet as they drag through the sand, leaving a long trail behind him. The water was actually way warmer than expected but he's not complaining. 

        The sky changed from orange to red, then to purple.  _"There are so many different skies. Many different families doing different things under these different colors. I wonder what it's like to just, no-'_  He was here now,and he wants be be here. He does. But the more he thinks, the more that his mind wants to wonder about this world that he was basically forced to protect. **Forced**. Steven suddenly ripped his phone out of his back pocket. Connie, maybe Connie will make him feel better. He presses Connie's name from his contacts list.

"Hello?"

"Hey Connie,"

"Steven are you okay? You don't sound well." He was afraid that he was going to get that. There was a moment of silence between the two,

"Yea I just," Steven scratches the back of his head, "headache. I think I may be coming down with somethi-"

"I'll be right over. Stay in bed. I'll bring my mother's tea recipe and this book for you to read. I think that you might like it." Steven had no intention of making Connie come over. This was just supposed to be a little white lie, something that he could brush off and forget by the end of the day. But life just isn't that simple.

"Okay Connie. I'll see you then."

"Bye Steven. Don't try to do too much." Then the other line cut out just like that.

         Steven's pretty sure that Connie's mom wouldn't let her come over while he was sick, or maybe Connie wouldn't mention that little fact at all. Oh well. He decided it would be best if he just go back into the house and lay down. He has nothing better to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> People actually read my first one I'm hella surprised. Thanks guys  
> ( ;-; such emotionals )


	3. There's Room for Two

         "I never told you to come over."

Steven gripped at the comforter he sat upon. He turned away from Connie's face which stood right before him. Connie ignored him though.

         When Connie had originally arrived, Steven was draped lazily across his mattress. His eyes bore holes into the television set that was given to him years ago. He was carelessly flipping through channels, trying his best to disregard the pitter-patter of his female friend's shoes hopping up each wooden step. Connie practically picked him up and gently tossed him over; evidence that Pearl's sword training was helping, quite phenomenally too. Steven didn't resist it, him being used to being used and pushed around as so, but what did bother him was the look that she gave him when she did. God did she seem like a mom at times and it made him  _uncomfortable_ to say the least.

         "You have no fever," Connie began. "I've checked your pulse, your blood pressure, your-"

         "You did enough Connie," Steven grumbled. Steven then began to push himself off of the side of his bed when Connie had suddenly stopped him.

         "What's gotten into you Steven?" Connie's hand was glued to his wrist to keep him from moving any further, "Steven, are you even listening to me?" 

         "No," the boy stated bluntly. "I am just, headache, stomach ache, something contagious probably? You should leave now." Steven was mumbling and his words seemed to cluster into chunks of letters and barely notable syllables. Connie tightened her grip around the chubby boy. Her face that was once drenched in concern is now stained with anger. Her lips straitened into a thin line, and her eyes just seemed so wide and rather dark from the angle which they're sitting in. 

         "Shut it Steven," Connie snarled, her nose scrunching up at its corners. "Don't lie to me Steven, I can tell when you're lying. Steven don't- hey, listen here- dang it Steven look at me!" Steven had finally glanced up towards the basically young adult. She's very mature for her age and really knows how to take care of herself and others. When Steven was just starting to get to know Connie, she told many stories about staying afternoons with her mother at the hospital. His favorite was the one about the kid who got the airplane stuck in his throat.

         He remembers how she told the story with such enthusiasm. The younger girl, though just beginning to open up to Steven, would hold her arms out and jump from rock to rock making little plane noises. That Connie's eyes were so light and so was her heart. For not having many friends, she was an expert at making them. Steven should know because even when introducing Connie to the few others that live in Beach City, they tended to act as if they were all old pals. Steven chuckled that the thoughts that were swimming through his head, and Connie's glare lightened, but his laughing left her extremely puzzled. Steven didn't want to talk about his feelings anymore and he way beyond tired, so he stopped giggling and let a surprisingly unstrained smile plant onto his face. Steven then pulled back and started at the confused girl, contemplating.

         "Tell me a story about the hospital," Steven whispered loud enough for Connie to hear. She quickly understood, most likely thinking that's why Steven was snickering. He was thinking about one of her stories. 

         "Of course," Connie agreed, finally returning the smile that was slowly fading from the young boy's lips. This is what Steven missed. The small things that makes life worth living. His abnormal, crazy, hectic life that now barely holds any meaning. It makes him better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More and more....  
> I'm very, very inconsistent I realize but I'll try to post weekly-


	4. All Grown Up

          _'When the hell did it become night-time?'_ Steven questioned, shocked to find himself on top of his covers. Steven looked over to his right and realized that Connie had vanished. Of course, Connie's mother wouldn't allow her to be out this late (even though it was just 8:39 but whatever), but why didn't she try to wake him up to say goodbye?

         Steven ran his stubby fingers over his face, dragging out an over-exaggerated sigh. He then pushed himself up into the sitting position and rose, letting his feet lazily drag across the frigid wooden floor. Steven sauntered over to his bedroom mirror, trying to wake himself up after supposingly sleeping for so long. The mirror was smudged with at least a week's worth of grime and oil, but the center of the reflective glass remained untouched, and the image of a perfect sky and a million burning dots of gas smothered its surface. Steven was given this frameless mirror not too long ago, and though it seemed dangerous, he left it near the edge of his room floor right at the drop off, across from his glass window. It stood on a chestnut plank that appeared almost too thin to support the fragile surface.

         Steven glared at his reflection. The bags under his eyes were extremely dark, and the hair on his head was tangled and shiny; the moonlight proving his theory. His curly, dark brown locks now hung over his ears and around his lower neck. The lighter, brown strands stood out rather brilliantly amongst the others. Steven inspected his face closer and drew his right, pointer finger underneath his chin. There was stubble beginning to grow where it used to be baby-butt smooth. Taking a few steps back, he continued to criticize himself; pointing out his flaws and imperfections, realizing that some were gone and others have emerged. Steven's shirt sat at his belly button revealing his slightly toned muscles. The jeans were no different, they were rather loose around his waist but tighter around parts of his thigh, and the fabric seems to be ripping at the calf.

         Steven pulled at the rough, metal button, unhooking the disk before shimmying out of the denim material. He let them fall onto the floor boards and began to browse his dressers for some looser pants. Extracting the most comfortable, and possibly over-sized, pair of pants he could find, which were his gray sweats, was surprisingly simple, seeing as they were not hard to find, and they stuck out like a sore thumb against his various other pairs of jeans. Looking back into the mirror, after failing to find a way to keep his trousers from just balancing onto his hip bones, Steven noticed how  _skinny_ he was. 

         A few years ago, Steven remembers when the gems had told him that they were "too big" for parties, and he began to seriously question himself about the many childish things that he has done. He remembers growing up, and how much heavier he felt. Especially how  _thick_ he was. Even when he was just a acne-washed teenager, he wasn't this slim. Or this tall either. Looking down at his fingers, he noticed that they were now slender and willowy, contrasting dramatically from about 15 minutes ago. He looked almost like a completely different person. Maybe he was.

         Maybe, he  _is._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~.~


	5. Beer

         Beer. Amethyst talked about that drink a lot. Steven's even tried some once. It was absolutely disgusting and Pearl was glad that he had thought so. He knew that alcohol was bad for him, and all other humans in general, but he remember thinking back a few nights later pondering. Pondering on the fact that he wasn't like other humans and could probably drink it without consequence. Or maybe that was wishful thinking for something he doesn't even like.

         When the gems had arrived (about late afternoon), he had unsubconsiously changed back to Happy Steven version 1.5, seeing as his most recent adittude wasn't an upgrade in the eyes of his other family members. Of course, Pearl was the first to check on him as he practically crammed that peanut butter and jelly sandwich down his throat. The look that she gave Steven was one of worry and distrust, so Garnet definitely told them all about what occurred prior to their return. Amethyst was next to see him, and her poker face held up strong, but Steven knew all of her quirks and habits, so she knew that she was slightly, if not completely panicked. Garnet never went to check up on Steven, but instead fled to her room quiet and stoic as ever. The young gem could feel the panic course through him when the room became unusually silent and tense. 

         "Steven," Pearl began, "We need to talk." They shifted over towards the sofa. Amethyst decided to leave, seeing as she didn't want to get caught up in the heavy stuff. "Don't feel bad about it." Pearl was clearly uncomfortable, "If there's anything we need to adjust-" A sigh slipped and she stopped.

         "It was nothing Pearl. I, I just wanted to go on an adventure you know?"

         "Oh," Pearl chuckled nervously as she straitened her back. "Oh my stars, you worried me Steven," another nervous fit of laughter. "For a second we thought that you were, trying to, run away." She was so animated when she spoke but her smile was completely forced, and Steven could see the pain in her eyes. It stung like a open wound, but Steven kept himself centered. They talked for a few more minutes before Pearl decided that she was done chatting and wanted to bake a pie. From what Steven could tell, it was blueberry, and Pearl's pies are always good. She baked when she needed to find her calm, and always appreciated when Steven and Amethyst complemented her on her hard work.

         Steven has no idea if she's done baking or not, seeing as he had left hours ago. The town's lights were beginning to flicker on, and night was starting to claim the sky. Magenta, jam, and cobalt laced the welkin as Steven continued to venture towards the closing donut shop that stood near his hidden house. Opening the glass door that Sadie no doubtedly windexed smothered him with warmth and the refrehsing scent of creme filling. No one was at the counter, so Steven simply sat at one of the pristine tables. The chair was stone cold and contrasted horribly with the atmosphere around him. But for some reason, that chair reminded Steven of himself.

         He was always the light in a room of busted light bulbs. He brought warmth on the cloudiest day and provided smiles for the gloomy and crowded. Now it feels the world has given him every reason to be sad, but others every reason to be thankful. Everything was bright around him, too bright. The things that once filled him with glee now fills him with rage and an emptiness that he can't quite fill. Hell, he can't fill it with all the food and puns in the world. But that's where beer comes to play. That bitter tasteless substance deemed itself worthy when it helped Amethyst through tough nights. She's never been drunk around him (thanks to Pearl) but it was worshipped by the purple gem. 

         Nobody was still and the counter, and it made Steven shift uncomfortably in his seat. Though he didn't enter saying a word, the bell still went off upon his entrance. That damn bell. He wanted his donut, so he could easily slip into the back and check up on anybody who was still lying around. Instead, he decided to find that miracle drink.

And did it deem itself worthy.

         Steven got his hands on one though it wasn't easy. He had to beg a guy that he didn't know and it was pretty rare for him to find somebody that didn't know him. He paid the man $20 for a twelve pack (or more unconspicuously, two sixes) and left the man to use the rest as he felt useful. Steven found a quiet place; a park bench next to an abandoned shed off and alone on a more secluded part of the beach. Where he was sitting, bigger waves barely nipped at his toes and it always brought the familiar scent of sea salt wafting towards him. The old bench creaked when he altered his position to grab one of the cans out of the plastic black bag, toes curling into the sand when he opened the aluminum. The first one tasted as bland and tart as usual, but with continuing it was getter better and better... 

         Until he woke up with his face in the sand. Steven popped his face out of the smooth terrain beneath him, his hair drenched in sand and dried salt. He lifted his arm out from under him and stretched it out in front of his face. 

          _'I look like I did that other night,'_ he thought to himself, he could feel how the stretch pants felt like they fit better and how his shirt was too short once again. His skin was tanned unevenly in as an result of him sitting out there all night and most of the morning. Steven grabbed for the phone in his left pocket, which was lathered in dust, and checked the time.  _'11:36- I need to go now before the gems start to worry about me.'_ The not-so-young boy stood flipped over to lay on his back in the warm sand. He put his hands on his stomach and sighed.

         "Why won't Death just take me already," Steven chuckled before a sudden presence startled him. Steven's mouth screwed shut and his lips pressed into a thin line.

         "There's a reason that you haven't been reaped yet, you child."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is most definitely the most I've written for a chapter. My writing's no good and I seem to stray from topic to topic. I'm also rather vaige but I'm working on it. If I should keep making long chapters comment and I'll look into it before I share chapter six. Any other suggestions would be great too :3
> 
> And a cliff hanger too. Ooh~


	6. Chapter 6

         "Who the hell are you?"

         "I wouldn't talk like that if you knew who I was. Now listen," the mystery man began. Steven slowly turned his head towards the sound of the voice. The first thing he noticed were his shoes. They were shiny and formal, along with the crease-less slacks he bore. Steven's eyes darted up to the man's face, which was decorated in creases and coordinated wrinkles. 

        "You are _the_ Steven Universe I presume?" the man emphasized in a matter-of-fact manner. Steven was put off by the man's glare, and with mistrust, raised his shield with a scowl to mach the other's tone of voice, "I will take that as a yes."

        "What do you want from me?"

        "I need you to put down your weapon and be reasonable. You don't know who or what," more wrinkles formed and Steven winced, "I am. I am here to give you what you believe you deserve." The slender boy blinked rapidly at the man and slowly lowered his defenses. He pondered on the fact that this man was one unknown to Beach City. He could tell by the paleness of his skin. In Beach City, even if you were not to leave your house for years, would still be plagued with freckles and unevenly tanned skin.

        "What can you do for me?"

        "I can find you a way out of the city."

        "For what cost?" For only what felt like a second, the man seemed taken aback from the question, but as if it had never phased him, the man became smug once more. The creases in his face smoothed momentarily as he pondered.

        "I'd be able to use you at my disposal." There was a bite to his tone that made Steven tremble and protectively cover his gem, as if his chopstick thin fingers would do anything more but cause him further damage. This was his way out. Sure he was young and admittedly naive, but he wanted to soar beyond the predictive mannerisms of the city. He speculated for a few moments before the man cleared his throat. Steven undoubtedly yelped: surprisingly deep in thought. The man, unamused, handed the child a carob and cedar bag wrapped in equally hideous lace. It was bare aside from a large white sigil that covered the front of the bag.

        "I'll know when you've made up your mind. Don't wait too long, there are other participants in the ring."

        "Other wha-" And just like that, the man had vanished, like a magician at a birthday party. Perfect execution, definitely rehearsed.

**Author's Note:**

> (I have no idea where this is going)  
> If I end up making more chapters, they will probably be longer.  
> Expect the unexpected.


End file.
